Spooked

I haven't run since the bloody piss incident more than two weeks ago, and to be honest, I'm a bit spooked to start back up. In the days and weeks following the incident, I've experienced some anomalies around pissing. I've been pissing...A LOT, like 10-12 times during the day, and 5-8 times per night. I finally went to the doctor where I was probed and checked, including urine analysis, and everything seems to be in working order...except for the excessive pissing. I was told to give it another two weeks to see if it goes away and if not, we go to another round of probing and testing.

I was even more spooked when I engaged in what I thought to be a casual conversation with my co-worker, who also happens to be a former Olympian for the Nigerian soccer team. At some point in our "casual" conversation, we covered the topic of the "mind over matter" attitude, and at what point is this philosophy harmful. If your mental limits surpass your physical limits, is it healthy to push your body to such limits? My co-worker lived this philosophy on his way to becoming an Olympian, but he now lives with regret. The years he spent pushing his body beyond its limits have left him with an enlarged heart, and joints that move far from an agile athlete. As I sat and listened, I realized that I covet this philosophy, and I recalled with pride the times that I successfully won the battle of mind over matter. My thoughts drifted to the past couple of years filled with pushing pass my physical limits: racing multiple ironmans, puking during races, pre-, post-, and nausea during the race, IV's, 50-mile run, and finally culminating in the pissing blood incident. But listening to a former Olympian express regret further spooked me.

All I know is that I'm now a middle-aged man whose pushed his body for 30+ years as an athlete. Though there are many middle-aged men and women who continue to kick ass and push their bodies way pass their physical limits, maybe I'm just not one of them. My results this year sure seem to indicate this may be the case, and with this recent health issue, I'm more inclined to think this may be true. When I see the results that athletes like Charisa and Ian are pulling off, it inspires me to get out there, work hard, and put out some big results too. But right now, I'm thinking maybe my time has passed, and rather than aspiring to do what they do, I should just appreciate what they can do. I haven't made any solid decisions, but come turkey day tomorrow morning, I plan to slip on my running shoes, push aside the spooked feelings, and attempt a run.