Stay Present

Like many other bloggers, I sometimes struggle with how much is too much to share on the blog. For the most part, I want to stick to triathlon training, racing, and the more frivolous incidentals that come with the lifestyle. Every now and then, I delve into more serious topics like cancer; because the blog was born from a website I created in memory of my mother, who passed away from breast cancer. Today was a pretty big day for me, and after a lot of thought leading up to today, I've decided to share.

Without going into too much detail, I live with a chronic liver disease, had it since birth. Every 3 months, I get blood work done to check the health of my liver, and every 6 months, I get an ultrasound to rule out liver cancer. As you can imagine, tests every 3 months is a cause for some anxiety. But through the years, I've developed some coping skills. Back in September, my blood work came back with some "uh-oh" results, and my doctor reported that he would like to start me on treatment. Treatment would most likely last the rest of my life, and may alter my lifestyle. I resisted and asked for more concrete proof than just blood work alone. We decided to do a liver biopsy to take a direct look at the liver, and see if indeed there is damage as insinuated by the blood work. The biopsy would not be scheduled until December 3, and I would not get my results until today, January 8. A four-month period is a long time to wait for what could be bad news. The days following the September appointment, I found myself quite anxious, and I dreaded the future. Then one morning, while riding my bike to work, I remember having this euphoric feeling. It felt good to be riding my bike, and I felt alive. I remember thinking, I don't know what my future health will be, but I feel good today, and from here on out, I will stay in the present. Since that day, when I find myself dreading the future, I take some deep breaths, and I focus on staying present.

I was going to put off all plans for triathlon until today, when I got my results back. But after my decision to stay present several months ago, I decided that I would not put my life on hold, but instead, apply for the Big Sexy Racing Team as I had intended. I would proceed with my regular life until forced to do otherwise. I'm glad to report that at this time, I'm not forced to do otherwise. The results of my liver biopsy came back favorable, and no treatment is required. I will continue to do my 3-month and 6-month blood work and ultrasound respectively, all the while staying present and enjoying each day.